| GOODBYE NJ |
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| 01:56am 24/08/2004 |
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mood: A TEAR music: BOUNCING SOULS - ANCHORS AWAY (the whole album)
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I may have complained about my home a lot, but now I am leaving it for what will most likely be forever. New Jersey will always be my home and I will always take pride in being a Jersey local no matter how much shit I get. I know I am going to miss this place and everything it has or doesn't have to offer. Good bye Garden State.
To all my friends. We have always been through some tough times. There were times where we didn't talk to one another and we abandoned each other and in a way a part of ourselves. This point in time is one of the happiest in my life and I don't think I would do anything to change any of the bonds that I have with anyone. I think that right now I trust more people then I ever have and I have tighter friendships with all of those people. We have had to take our own journeys and College is going to be the biggest one. GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YOU whether we are friends anymore or not. We have our whole lives ahead of us lets do the best that we can. Hopefully we will all continue to grow as people as we have grown in these last four years. I will miss almost anyone I have been friends with whether I willingly admit to it or not. I think most of us will miss those that we left on a bad note withas much as anyone because it feels like something has not been finished. I know I can't change certain situations and I am not going to especially with things as good as they are at the moment. Once again good luck to you all. Now to end with a couple Bouncing Souls songs because that is what I do.
P.S. Sorry if I was rambling. Its kind of late you know.
ANCHORS AWEIGH
Anchors aweigh my friends, I'll see you another day
I'm going away, experiences have to come
And the past has got to go
Back into our dreams
Anchors aweigh my friends
Everybody understands that good times,
That good times come and they go
And together we will always flow
Back into our dreams
And our troubles, we can't leave them behind
But the wind blows, and blows them all away
And the road goes... And takes them all away
...Back into our dreams
NIGHT TRAIN
Goodbye to me and you
Goodbye to the life we knew
One last long embrace
Let go and walk on through
I'm leaving everything behind for a peace that I can't find
The ghosts that roam this house-
Like winter air right through our souls
-And it feels like dying-
It just feels like time to go
Goin' down south to dream another dream
Maybe check out Memphis, Tennessee
Take the Night Train, and an extra pair of jeans
Can't think of anything else I really need
And all my experiences ride with me
This town is dead to me
And I can't stop chasing my dreams
I love you more than anything
But what you want, I could never be
I love you more than anything
But only alone can we both be free
Goodbye to me and you
Goodbye to the life we knew
Wipe the tears from your eyes
Let go and walk on through |
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| 11:36pm 18/08/2004 |
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music: Green Day - American Idiot
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My Chemical Romance vs A Static Lullaby: a static lullaby
Finch vs Letter Kills: Finch
The Used vs Story of the Year: The Used
The Early November vs Further Seems Forever: NO
Matchbook Romance vs Moneen: NO
Radiohead vs Muse: Radiohead
Dead Poetic vs Hidden in Plain View: NO
The Bled vs Every Time I Die: The Bled because they are the best hardcore band no one listens to
Alkaline Trio vs Bayside: alkaline trio
Glassjaw vs Endor: Glassjaw because they are the best hardcore band everyone's heard of
New Found Glory vs The Ataris:NO
Jamisonparker vs The Starting Line: the starting line
Yellowcard vs Fall Out Boy: Fall Out Boy
Brand New vs Jimmy Eat World: Brand New
Saves the Day vs The Get Up Kids: Get Up Kids
Senses Fail vs Boys Night Out: Senses fail
Thursday vs Recover: Thursday
Don't Look Down vs Northstar: haven't heard either
Silverstein vs The Beautiful Mistake: SIlverstein
Blink 182 vs Green Day: Green Day and if you say Blink you are gay or a girl
Anberlin vs Diffuser: Who?
Saosin vs Anatomy of a Ghost: Anatomy
Coheed & Cambria vs AFI: Both have whiny bitches for singers so neither
Autopilot Off vs Midtown: MIDTOWN
Taking Back Sunday vs The Movielife: Taking Back Sunday.
Sugarcult vs Count The Stars: Sugarcult
RX Bandits vs Less Than Jake: Less Than Jake
Armor For Sleep vs Mae: NO
Thrice vs Lostprophets: Thrice
From First To Last vs Over It: WHo?
Motion City Soundtrack vs Piebald: Motion City Soundtrack
Underoath vs Funeral For a Friend: Funeral
Counterfit vs Rufio: Rufio
Just a couple questions
have you listened to all 66 of those bands?: No
if not- which ones haven't you heard?: Muse, , Don't look Down, Northstar, The Beautiful Mistake, Amberlin, Diffuser, Saosin, From First To Last, Over It, Counterfit, Armor For Sleep
finally: the favorite band question: GREEN DAY. I listen to some of the others a lot. But favorite bands should be judged by how long you have been constatnly listening to them. |
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| 04:37pm 18/08/2004 |
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My dad once tackled a bear mascot at a football game. It was a girl wearing the bear suit. |
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| The first step to recovery is to admit you have a problem |
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| 12:28pm 12/08/2004 |
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mood:  confused music: Green Day - AMerican Idiot
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I am and internet addict. I lost my internet connection for two days. I think I almost lost my mind. I would be checking every fifteen minutes to see if I had gotten my connection back. It was bad.
NOw that I got that off my chest I've discovered I like to say old catchphrases that were lame in the past but are now cool because I say them. Boss and mondo are now becoming permanent members of my vocabulary. I'm sorry but they are pretty bitchin words.
SUnday I went to Warped Tour and it was incredible. MY brother and I saw THURSDAY, new found glory (only because the souls were on after them), THE BOUNCING SOULS, ANTI-FLAG, and TAKING BACK SUNDAY. THursday was as good as I had heard. THe souls were the souls and fucking rocked at what they do. Anti-Flag blew my mind with their showmanship and the chants of FUCK GEORGE BUSH weren't bad either. Taking Back Sunday was disappointing but that may have had to do with the fact that my bro and I were right up front and ten thousand screaming 15 year old girls were pushing us in the back. WE also talked to Bryan from the Souls for like 15 minutes about random stuff. He was just doing some last minute merch work at the SOuls tent and we just chilled and talked to him.
MOnday i had to work from 5 to 11. Pete let me off a half hour early because the store was empty. I then headed to Trish's because it was her last full day in the U.S. She is spending a whole year non-stop in Germany as a student Embassador. It was sad to see her go. She is the first of the friends that I have had to say goodbye to, but there will be many more goodbyes on the way.
Tuesday we celebrated my mom's birthday. I also had to go to the doctor to get a couple shots. In the evening Lauren and I hung out. For probably about a half hour we drove around the elementary school parking lot cause Lauren wanted to learn how to drive a manual transmission. By the the end she had started to really get the hang of it.
Yesterday ALex and I spent a total of 7 hours in the Manville, Bridgewater, Somerville, HIllsborough area. It was a long time but it was a lot of fun. We went pretty much everywhere. At ten we met up with Kate Murphy, Dale, and Zack to see Harold and Kumar Go toe White Castle. IT was really funny and afterwards we went to White Castle.
I have no idea whats going on today. |
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| This Glass House is Burning Down |
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| 01:46am 07/08/2004 |
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mood:  sore music: Taking Back Sunday-...Slowdance on the Inside
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Today was terrible. I didn't fall asleep till 4 in the morning last night. That is a new personal best for me. I got up at 1:15. This is also a personal best. At 4:30 I found out that Rick James is dead. He supposedly died of natural causes, but my guess is those natural causes were started by COCAINE. The I left for work. From 6-10 at work I was the active seller. This means i walk around wearing a gay apron trying to help strangers find movies while at the same time trying to sell them this movie pass thing. Don't ask what it is I am tired of explaining it. Right after I finished walking around like an ass for 4 hours Lauren and Trish came in. This was the highlight of my night because these are two of my favorite people to be around. Right after they left the bitch who I was hoping I would never have to see again and who I mentioned in this journal a million times to many came in with the kid who threatened to kill my dog. Luckily they were not my customers. Then I got dinner. As we were closing for the night we found that we had gotten secret shopped between 6 and 6:30. We got a perfect score of 100. 35 of those points had to do with me specifically doing my "active selling". I was glad I got all hte points but I was pissed I had to walk around with that stupid apron on when I didn't have to. Now it is 1:45 in the morning. I am tired but probably won't fall asleep.
Warped tour in two days. |
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| 02:23am 04/08/2004 |
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mood: awake music: TAKING BACK SUNDAY- WHERE YOU WANT TO BE (go buy it)
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Alright, so I haven't updated in awhile cause I've been on vacation for 11 days. I spent 11 fucking days in paradise also known as Maui. I did too much to even describe here./ I'll just say a few things.
1) I have a tan
2) I have a beard
3) I rode in a hellicopter
4) I figured out the big catch phrase in Hawaii is "right on" and i now plan to exploit it.
5) I went snorkeling with some sea turtles
6) I played a lot of fucking pinball in the hotel game room.
7) Drinks that look like Ecto-Cooler (The green ghostbusters HI-C from our childhoods) but had a lot of vodka in them.
Sunday my bro and i are going to warped tour. I'm so fucking pumped. Whose playing that I should be pumped for? Justa ll my fucking favorite bands minus brand new
Taking Back Sunday
Bouncing Souls
THursday
Yellowcard
The Bled
Sugarcult
NoFX aka Nah-Fix
I have to read towo books in the next 26 days.
I have to work two late nights this weekend. Friday from 5 to 1:15 in the morning and Saturday 5-12. that's going to suck. DAMN YOU PETE!!!
I found out my Syracuse roomate. His name is Stave and then a very polish last name with W's z's adn c's I'm in Flint hall at the top of Mount Olympus. For those of you who don't know Mount Olympus is this hill you have to walk up hundred of stairs to get to. It's a coed floor which is pretty bitchin'. Lauren's dorm is right next to mine so I lucked out and she is not in the same dorm as me ::wink wink::.
My graduation party is in two weeks, 3pm, at my house. I'm pretty pumped but I have to call a bunch of people tomorrow to actually invite them. |
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| This is me continually punching myself in the face. |
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| 11:51pm 19/07/2004 |
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mood:  okay music: Weezer - El Scorcho
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Today I worked from 5 to 10. Then I watched Fight Club with my brother.
At least with me the music I am currently listening to says a lot about my mood and how I am feeling. For the most part of the first half of the summer I was listening to an awful lot of more hardcore music. With all the shit that I went through this seems about right.
Now I am back listening to the same two cds I listened to since about november last year. I've been listening to Weezer's "Pinkerton" and Brand New's "Deja Entendu" a whole fucking lot even though I have like ten new cds. To quote the new taking back sunday song "set phasers to stun" this is exactly "where I want to be". |
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| Be Warned |
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| 03:09pm 19/07/2004 |
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mood:  drained music: Taking Back Sunday- A decade Under the Influence
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Ok here is the story i promised:
On saturday i worked from 12-5. I got off worked and I didn't really feel like partying so I called up everyone in my phonebook to try and get people to go bowling. The only person I got on the phone was LAuren. I talked to everyone else's answering machine and when I called Ryan Dunn it was a wrong number and I felt like a tool. So anyway... I managed to get in contact with Chris Meeuwen (he is 21). We went to the liquor store. I got a 12 pack of Miller and a Smirnoff twisted. We then went to chris' to play Super Contra on Nintendo. We then went to blockbuster with Lauren and got a couple movies. I will not say which because it is pretty fucking embarrasing.
Get back to Chris' and and Chris and start drinking. lauren can't because she is on meds because she might of had mono. Anyway later Alex comes over and Andy got home. Alex got angry for a reason I do not know and started strangling me. What was up with that? Later we laughed because of this conversation.
Me: I need a haircut
Alex: Apricots?
Me: Africa?
ALex: Black People?
Me: Do black people like apricots?
Together: ::Rolling on the floor laughing our drunk asses off::
keith showed up chewing tobacco so lauren and I left and Bob picked us up. For some reason I decided to take a beer with me. Hey, I was drunk. Bobyy ended up getting pulled over because his brake light was out. The cop I guees saw me being a little out of it in the back seat and asked me to step out of the car. He asked me if i had been drinking. I said I had. he asked me what was in the pocket of my sweatshirt and I said i had a beer. he pulled it out and then emptied my pockets and asked for id. I gave it to him. He then asked everyone else one by one to step out of the car and he asked them if they had been drinking. Lauren said she was on meds and couldn't drink even she wanted to. I thought this was kind of funny but there was no way in hell I was going to laugh.
He told everyone else to get back into the car and had me stand next to the cop car. he filled out forms. He also asked for my phone number. This kind of freaked me out. He told me I could be arrested. This was a good sign "could be". He then told me to empty the can on the side of the road and put the empty can in the trunk of Bobby's car. That is close call for being arrested number 2. The other was new years eve when I was actually placed in the back of the car.
Last night Lauren, janet and I watched the Shining with my bro. I still am taking the stance that it is quite possibly the scariest movie ever made.
hawaii in three days. taking back Sunday's new album in eight. Warped tour in 10. Midtown in 26.ad party in 27. Syracuse in 38. |
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| 12:33am 19/07/2004 |
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mood:  mellow music: atreyu-right side of the bed
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I haven't updated in awhile and I have got a crazy story to tell.
But I'm tired I promise a real update tomorrow |
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| 01:19am 07/07/2004 |
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music: All that are listed below
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Here are the last five albums I have bought-
1.Bleeding Through-This is Love This is Murderous
3.Alkaline Trio-From Here to the Infirmary
4.Atreyu-The Curse
5.Midtown-Forget What You Know
6.hawthorne Heights-The Silence in Black and White
Is some one trying to figure out whether or not they are hardcore or not? I think so. |
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| 12:21am 06/07/2004 |
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Fourth of July was crazy. There were so many cans and bottles by the end of the night from just five people. I drank too much. The end. |
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| If i had a fucking time machine...? |
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| 11:42pm 01/07/2004 |
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mood:  blank music: Atreyu- The Curse
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Ok so it's been a crazy week. I'm just going to go through everything as briefly as possible.
Last friday I had work so I didn't do anything. Saturday was Lauren's graduation party. It was fun. I literally was the first one there and the last to leave. Since I live pretty much next door I got to Lauren's right at two. I left at 12 the next day. I spent the night in a tent with Lauren Trish and Alex. I got a little drunk and started talking about time machines. Don't ask. The only time I've ever talked in my sleep is about time machines. Im weird.
Moving on...
Sunday was Nicole's graduation party. Also a good time. It was a little more fun than Lauren's. I think it had to do with the fact that there was a pool table and Chris taylor and Colby were there. Gina showed up for a minute but she is a bitch a terrible friend to Nicole so she left literally in a minute's time. Lauren asked me to teach her how to drive a manual transmission. She was terrible, but its ok because I really like her. People notice it to. Chris flat out said to me "You like her don't you" I am way to easy to see through. Afterward Colby matt healey lauren and I went swimming at Abby Henshaw's house. Matt got naked. Everyone saw his wang. I went home at eleven thirty.
Tuesday...
Went to a midnight showing of spider-man 2 with Chris taylor, matt vicari, joe vocke, and alan. That was incredible movie. I urge everyone to see it. Wednesday I didn't do anything except my dad wanted to see spider-man so I saw it, again. I like I said I really liked it. today Alex and I went and saw Farenheit 9/11. EVERYONE MUST SEE THIS MOVIE. It was an incredible and touching documentary. Michael Moore really outdid bowling for Columbine. Alex, Jack, asian Chris and I went to the dollar store later in the day. I got a cap gun. Alex and Jack got bandanas because they wre a dollar. Then Chris Alex and I watched full metal jacket. Not Kubrick's best but it still fucking rocks.
Tomorrow is dorney park with Lauren Trish and possibly others. It should be a good time.
"If I had to die for one word, my word would be poon-tang"
-Full Metal Jacket |
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| 12:41am 29/06/2004 |
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mood: cheerful music: Alkaline Trio
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Things accomplished thus far this summer:
-All night party at project graduation
-made some money
-went to 2 graduation parties and had an incredible time at both
-saw Dodgeball
-Gotten just a wee bit beyond tipsy twice
-spent a night in a tent with 2 beatiful girls (its not what you think you fucking pervs)
Have yet to do:
-10 day vacation to Hawaii
-See Spider-man 2 (which is happening tomorrow at midnight)
-go to Great Adventure
-Go t oWarped tour
-Read a book and keep a journal for 'cuse
-Make more money
-get tipsy a couple more times
-throw a party
-visit people I want to visit
When I was a little kid I wanted to dig a giant fort underground in my front yard. I got a bout three feet deep and then it filled with water and I gave up. there is a picture of my hours hanging up in the hallway. This picture was taken by a hellacopter. I just noticed today that my "fort" is in the picture. How cool would it be to have an undreground fort? It would almost be as cool as having a time machine.
If you get in trouble with anyone, blame it on Rob Lauck. It works!!! Just ask Colby.
Party weekend update happening tomorrow. |
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| 12:12pm 26/06/2004 |
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music: The Refused- Refused are fucking dead
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Nothing much to say. Going to two graduation parties this weekend.
Listen to the Refused. they are quite possibly the most experimental group out there. Its hardcore meets techno and its really fucking cool. |
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| Schools out for summer, SCHOOLS OUT FOREVER |
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| 02:18am 21/06/2004 |
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mood: nostalgic music: Avenged Sevenfold - Unholy Confessions
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ALright so friday night was graduation. The ceremony itself was shorter than the amount of time that we stood in the halls at achool waiting to enter the giant tent. Will Wachter was Saluditorian. The kid may be a complete geek, but he is a funny geek. It was nice to see a fellow OC watcher give a speech. His three rules for life were
1. Can you cover for me (whats the point of friends if they can't get you out of work.
2. Good idea boss (because kissing ass is the only way to get anywhere in life)
3. It was like that when I got here (just in case you run over your neighbors cat)
He also ended his speach with a quote from COnan O'brien
"If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk"
The valedictorian's speach sucked. I hate the girl who won. All she said was be like me and high school wasn't so bad.
Project graduation afterwards was incredible. I have the best fucking friends in the world. Going through the pictures I took that night just support that idea. Lauren, Trish, and Janet are three incredible girls who I have yet to not have a fun time with. Mike Alfano, Chris Taylor, and Matt Vicari are three of the most insane people I have ever met. Mike looks and dresses like prince. Matt's most memorable moment at central was the time he accidently lit his locker on fire, and Chris is just Chris. Alex may have had a broken leg but he was still in fairly high spirits the entire trip. He managed to stay awake for the whole of project graduation. That was until five thirty in the morning if you didn't know, and the kid was on crutches in the east coasts biggest arcade. Rich Skibinski looked awkward and out of place just like whenever he is not holding a guitar. Nicole Spayd is awesome. I can't believe I went so long without talking to her. Jon Caro and Ryan Dunn have never matured past the 7th grade. This makes them incredibly fun to be around, especially when they are freestyle rapping (or trying to) about how I am hogging all the girls (I still don't believe it myself). Jackie and eileen are great girls. Having spent the last two years doing Interact with them and going to Europe with Jackie really lead me to know two girls who I otherwise may have never even talked to. I have known Jack since 6th grade and he has always been one of my best friends. His temper gets the best of him sometimes but he is one of the most positive people I know. Jesus may do an incredible amount of drugs, but I still love him. He is a great person to hang out with and he is the king of DDR. Nicole Hardy I have also known forever and we have always been acquantances but this year has really started a new friendship between us. Andy Hoffman is also a hell of a kid. He is funny and really good at winning tickets in an arcade. He walked away with a remote controlled boat. I think that covers everyone. Wait I almost forgot Anthony Battiatto. Remember that name. In two years time this kid could be the next president of the United States. He is the most positive person I have ever met and he is the one kid who everyone in high school knows and loves. I was glad to have benifited from playing soccer for two years with him. He is also the best drummer I have ever seen.
Looking back it is amazing how many people I have come to know and form positive bonds with. People like Alex and Jack i will always try to keep contact with because they have been my friends for so long. I am going to be attending Syracuse in the fall with Lauren. I'm excited to be going to school with her. She is an incredible person. Hopefully I will see jackie again to because she is also in upstate new york.
goodnight america. |
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| The END |
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| 02:01pm 16/06/2004 |
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mood: Zen music: Bouncing Souls - How I Spent My Summer Vacation
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After four years, high school is at leastcoming to an end. There is so much that needs to be said about high school and at the moment I am not entirely sure what that is. It has been a fun ride and I have learned so much that hasn't been taught from a book. I look back at who I was when I was a freshman and I realize just how scared I was. I was frightened of school, girls, friends, enemies, and how i was viewed in general.
After four years it seems that friendships have gone full circle. Friends I thought I had lost are now back, and the new friendships I have formed I hope will continue to last even after college has begun.
There is a scary thought. College. It has loomed ominously ahead of me for four years. But now I am there. In two and a half months I will be in Syracuse, NY studying to be a television radio and film major. Dreams are starting to come true. High school is just one stepping stone across the river of life (how cheesy is that). I hope everyone is taking steps towards their dreams.
High school is over and I don't want to leave on bad terms with anyone. There are still people I dislike but I have learned certain personalities just don't mix. Those kids who have felt the need to call me a fag in the hallway (all the way up to the second to last day of school I remind you) I say fuck that. You did not like me and I can't do anything about that.
Those that I have fought with, I am sorry for whatever I may have done to provoke that fight. I most likely had made a mistake through a lack of maturity. I am reminded of a quote by Mr. Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers' neighborhood,
"Mutually caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other’s achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain. We need to accept the fact that it’s not in the power of any human being to provide all of these things at one time. For any of us, mutually caring relationships will always include some measure of unkindness and impatience, intolerance, pessimism, self-doubt, and disappointment"
No one is perfect, especially not myself. I have still got a lot to learn. Why else would I be going to college? It is certainly not to learn more math. I just hope that others have grown as much as I have. I know that I have made mistakes that seriously hurt people, but chances are so have you. I'm not asking for any apologies. I may not have been the one that you hurt, and anyway chances are I will not be seeing a lot of people again. I just wish that everyone think about their mistakes as much as I have, and believe me I have thought about them a lot.
To all my current friends- You may not be the greatest people in the world or the school but you are unbelievable people and it is so good to have all of you by my side. Lord knows where I would be if I was lacking jsut a single one of you. You have stood with me through thick and thin and all the bullshit that has occurred during high school, but especially this year. I have done really stupid things, and although I had at times turned my back to you, you never turned your back on me.
I am gong to end by talking about prom because it pretty much sums up the zen feeling that I have at the moment. At prom everyone put everything behind them. There were no enemies. All grudges were forgotten for that 5 hours. If only the whole school year could have been like that. The world is an ugly place, but there is some hope.
Now I end with another quote. I don't need to tell anyone who the quote is from because I always quote the same band.
"Anchors Aweigh my friends, I'll see you another day
I'm going away, expierences have to come
and the past has got to go
back into our dreams
Anchors Aweigh my friends
Everybody understands that good times,
that good times they come and they go
and together we will always flow
back into our dreams
back into our dreams
And our troubles, we can't leave them behind
but the wind blows, and blows them all away
and the road goes... and takes them all away
........back into our dreams' |
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| 12:36am 06/06/2004 |
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mood:  pissed off music: Bleeding Through - THis is Love, This is Murder
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Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:: Bouncing Souls
Are you female or male:: SIngle SUccessful Guy
Describe yourself:: HOpeless Romantic
How do some people feel about you:: Wish Me Well (You can go to hell)
How do you feel about yourself:: The Freaks, Nerds, and Romantics
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: Whatever I want (Whatever that is)
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:: New Day
Describe where you want to be:: Gone |
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| 09:24pm 24/05/2004 |
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THIS WAY UP
á | | dieingtolive has fragile contents which may break! |
From Go-Quiz.com
That sounds about right.
PS Im unlocking my journal. |
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| CONCERT overload |
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| 08:38pm 20/05/2004 |
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mood:  hopeful music: Movielife - Walking on Glass
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Weds. MAy 26, Hershey PA - Blink 182, the USed and Taking Back Sunday
Going With Chris and Gina
Saturday May 29, Sayerville NJ - Atreyu and From Autumn to Ashes
Going WIth Alex
Boo YAH motherfuckers!!!!! |
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dieingtolive's journal
